Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
