Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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