Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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