At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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