I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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