From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
