I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
