Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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