I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You were trust falling into bushes
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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