we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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