Your mouth is God's brothel.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
