I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
