Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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