I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
