honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
