Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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