I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
