Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
