And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
