We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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