white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
