We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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