Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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