He disabled his match.com account in front of me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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