Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
