I just saw a hot homeless man
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
