Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
