are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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