girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
