How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Quick, to the slutcave!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
