Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
