My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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