you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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