Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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