Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
