are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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