Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
