I hope mine doesn't look like that
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
