So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
