I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
