I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
