Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
