oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
