Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
