Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
