Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
