just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
