I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
