normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
