Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
