I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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