and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
