haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
