Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
