she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
