I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
