My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
