tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
