i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
