3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
nutella sex= disaster
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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